I have BPD, CPTSD, depression, anxiety, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, and I'm autistic. Below is a brief list of my accessibility needs, but I need everybody who interacts with me to research these for themselves if they're unfamiliar. It is a necessity to have basic knowledge of these conditions to be around me.
If you have any more questions after reading this list and researching these conditions for yourself, please feel free to contact me.
Chronic leg pain and chronic fatigue:
Keep pathways as accessible, wide, and clear as possible.
Keep items off low spaces, as it hurts to bend down and reach for things.
Limit the need to walk long distances, uphill, and on loose dirt/sand.
Do not force me to walk fast or run.
No heavy lifting.
Avoid putting extra pressure on my knees. Activities that cover this include:
Leaning on my shoulders
Pushing down on my knees/legs in any way
Provide an alternative to stairs or ramps
Stairs, especially upstairs, are very difficult. Flexibility is possible. Please discuss with me directly if there’s an issue.
Always have chairs available.
Respect when I say I can’t do something because of my pain and/or fatigue.
I struggle with cooking and cleaning, so I may need assistance with that.
Neurodivergence/mental illness:
Accept my gender identity, expression, and pronouns unconditionally.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO UNDERSTAND SOMEONE'S GENDER IN ORDER TO SUPPORT THEM
Do not accuse me of laziness. Ever. If I'm ever 'slacking off', I always have a good reason for it.
If you have a valid concern about my performance, please discuss it with me. Please approach me aiming to work out a solution rather than just calling me a degrading term that doesn't acknowledge my struggles too.
Be clear when you're not being serious during a conversation (eg. sarcasm, jokes, etc), and be ready to explain when you’re not being serious if I’m confused.
Over time I am able to learn an individuals 'language' so this becomes a lot easier for me.
Be mindful of triggering topics.
Here is a list of things that can trigger/upset me. Please contact me and provide your email so I can add you to the viewing list of this Google Doc.
Be mindful of things that can overstimulate or repulse me. These include:
Sound (too loud, too 'busy', people talking over each other, sudden loud noise, etc)
Smell (air freshener/aerosol deodorant, cleaning products, perfume, cooking meat, etc)
Touch/texture (wood and paper, dirty dishes, dust/chalk, etc)
Sight (bright/flashing lights, fluorescent lighting, lots of sudden movements, etc)
I have executive dysfunction. Please keep the symptoms of it in mind when interacting with me. My common symptoms include:
losing/misplacing things
difficulty with time management
difficulty organising events
difficulty keeping my space tidy
difficulty regulating/managing emotions
memory issues
difficulty self-monitoring emotions and behaviour
In the event of a crisis and I reach out to you for help, please ask me for my crisis management plan, read it thoroughly, and help me through what to do. (If you're unable to provide this kind of support, that's completely fair, just let me know).
Due to my traumas, I need lots of validation, reassurance, compliments, and clear communication.
I am very sensitive to my emotions, and they can sometimes completely overwhelm and trigger me. When I’m like this, please:
Give me patience and respect.
Do not treat me like I'm overreacting. I know I am, but it feels very real to me. Treat me as if my pain is real, because it is.
Do not take my emotions personally or feel bad for contributing to them. They are a result of how my brain is wired due to trauma, not because of you.
I am very sensitive to rejection, abandonment, or being left out (real or imagined).
Rejection is something we can’t avoid, so please try to be as gentle and reassuring as possible when doing it. It may still upset me, but please remember it’s not your fault.
I understand that sometimes people just stop responding to you for any number of reasons, and I absolutely respect your space and privacy, but unfortunately my brain convinces me it's because everyone hates me, which I know 99/100 times isn't true. When you can, please let me know that you're not intentionally avoiding me. Please don't feel pressured to explain yourself, it's none of my business.
Please invite me to things! I might not always be able to say yes, but I really appreciate invites. It helps me to feel included, even if I can't attend something, and lets me know that you're thinking of me.
I can't answer unplanned phone calls, and sometimes I can't answer calls at all.
Please contact me via email or text to organise a time for us to call, or alternatives if I absolutely can't call.
Allow for longer reaction and response times.
If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.